Sacrifice

 

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Let me start off by saying, no sacrifice could ever come close to the greatest sacrifice of all...

It's just not humanly possible.

And for the major part of my life, my greatest sacrifices were:

"O.K, I'll eat the cake instead of pie!"

"Hmmm, I know the boots are comfier but the heels just LOOK better,

 so I'll SACRIFICE my comfort for looks"

*Note this choice has reversed since my teens*

Then, I became a wife and I learned that I was going to have to give up more:

Like my heart.

*awww...but really*

or some of my bitingly sarcastic ways

*you know it doesn't always feel good to hear snarky remarks, who would've thunk it!*

or realizing that my habit of hanging out with single guys during my teens 

wasn't really conducive to my new life as a newlywed,

 and though I clearly was not drawn to these guys on a romantic level, 

it made my hubby uncomfortable and I needed to respect that.

Then as a mama:

I gave up my heart again...

and any shred of hope that I had of having a rockin' body...

let's be honest, I didn't have much hope before kids so I can't lay the 

blame squarely on motherhood's shoulders.

But my life was sweeter.

 I went from being pretty darn frivolous

 to not caring if my makeup was perfect, 

if my outfit was just right.

 I desired their happiness above my own....

and it was wonderful!

my heart felt fuller, the sun was brighter, flowers were lovelier...

*maybe a bit overboard*

I feel happier...when life ISN'T focused on ME??

EUREKA!!!

But sacrifice doesn't always have have such joyous results.

Sacrifice:

hurts.

tears you up inside.

it breaks your heart.

even if it's necessary. 

And there was a situation in my life where it was just that..

and I didn't want it.

I pushed it away, I prayed for another way, I read the Word, looking for loopholes..

The Bible doesn't have loopholes, did you know that?

I stepped away.

I loved, and still love through that time. 

That sacrifice.

I still cry, I still hurt.

I've felt alone in my decision. 

Worried that my heart wasn't being understood, that I looked like a jerk. 

And some people that don't know every chapter still think I that I am being just that.

But more than just knowing all the chapters of the story, 

I know this...

When I made that sacrifice,

 when I was literally hyperventilating and holding chest,

 trying to keep the pieces of my heart from breaking ..

I heard so clearly:

BE STILL

and the peace that washed over me was like healing rain

 and I knew that despite others perceptions, I knew my heart..He knew my heart.

 I knew that my love was/is true...

And that His love never fails.

I love the bridge of this song:

"You make all things, work together for my good. 

You never fail me"

So, there may be pain in sacrifice.

 But there's growth too.

And healing.

~Bekah

for pain

for healing