Saturday, March 29, 2014

Surrender

"I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within.
I lay it all down, for the sake of you my King"
video here



This song, and these lyrics have hit me hard as of late.


You see, God is working in our lives,...like for realz.
He's working in MAJOR ways over here!

And, I've come to realize that my life is the most beautiful, 
the most exciting and transformed,
 when I surrender my stubborn ways.




I recently told a friend that I feel like God put me on this earth, JUST so He could have a good laugh. To take this stubborn woman and set in her ways gal and show her how silly she is.

I should've know after our homeschool adventures that He would use my "Oh no, we're never going down that path again" attitude and make it positive.



Here's a little back story:


My hubby and I married in 2001, one MONTH after I turned 18.

It wasn't a spur of the moment decision, it was just two young people who KNEW with all their hearts that they were meant to be together. And like I said back then, when everyone was telling us to wait, "If we marry now, we can celebrate our 50th anniversary sooner!"
(C'mon, that's pretty impressive for an 17 year old)

So after a little over two years of marriage,in December of 2003 at the age of 20 (and 22 for my Chief) we welcomed our first baby into the world.

Jackson Tyler



Life as new parents and a family of three was blissful. Learning all of these new "baby things" together, was amazing!



Then in August of 2005, we were so blessed to have a baby girl.
Ryleigh Madisyn.
 Our little doll, and the apple of her daddy's eye.


"Our plan" was to wait until Ryleigh was two,
 and then try for our 3rd baby.

(oh those PLANS!)


Well....when Roo was 9 months old...SURPRISE!


in February 2007, we welcomed Gavin Michael into the world!
Once a Peanut, always a Peanut!


3 kids in 3 years!

We were surrounded by "baby"!
Baby toys, baby songs, baby shows, baby furniture, baby clothes, diapers, wipes, burp cloths.
 You get the picture...


It was like Groundhog Day....baby edition.


Needless to say, we were DONE.
 Do not pass go, do not collect free time,
 DO NOT TOUCH ME!! LOL


So, we truly convinced ourselves that God was speaking to our hearts and telling us to get Jeremy a vasectomy. I mean, seriously...we couldn't possibly take care of a another baby. We were tapped out.


Now, listen. I'm not by ANY means speaking out against vasectomies. Because I can't in good conscience be the "judge" of that choice, because as I said, we REALLY felt like it was the best choice. And maybe it was at that time. Maybe we needed that choice.


Because every time we were around another baby, or toddler,
 we would both give each other that look..you know the one.


*eyebrow UP*=

"Aren't you glad we aren't in their shoes anymore??"


or

when someone was in the throws of potty training.


"WORST days EVER!"


On the rare moments that I felt sad about not having more babies, my hubby would QUICKLY go through the "list" of why we are better off without a baby:


"No more diapers."


"Remember all the work?"


"Sleepless nights?"


"our kids are so self sufficient now!"



Yes, we were THAT couple.


But then, on a Sunday afternoon in January; we went to the beach as a family after church to enjoy the rare sunny day we had in our little coastal town.


I'll never forget that day, because it started out with a simple dress:

pic taken from that day
 In that flowy blue dress, I was watching our kids run and play in the water and sand, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, when my fella came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, and I blurted out..

"Oh...this is going to sound weird, but for a minute there I wanted your hands to rest on my pregnant belly."


expecting our usual "Oh yes, oh well...look how awesome our lives are now!" banter, instead I got a quiet moment from Jeremy... he then cleared his throat and said:


"Well, it's funny you say that, because I feel very strongly that God has put it on my heart to get my vasectomy reversed"


to which I simply replied.


*gulp*


and then he proceeded to tell me all the amazing ways he felt the Lord was speaking to his heart.


 I took it all in.

Not with squeals of delight, not with a grin of excitement.
 I just..listened.


I am being honest when I tell you that my first response was NOT to pray about it, my first response was to text family and friends saying "You would NOT believe the conversation Jeremy and I just had!!!" but I didn't. Oh I wanted to, I wanted to get advice from someone ASAP!


But slowly I felt my heart thawing, moving and responding to this idea.

And I prayed.


By Monday night, the VERY next night my friends;
Jeremy and I were praying and crying and KNEW this was the path we were meant to be on.


Everything just fell into place so beautifully.
The doctor we checked into had a average 6 month waiting list.

We had an appointment not even a MONTH later!


And now if you know me, you know that I am a worrier, more specifically about what other people think and feel. I hail from the People Pleaser Pack.
 I'm embarrassed to say that often I let my feelings get ruled out by others.

Well, I have been tested on this!
 I have had; well meaning talks, opposing opinions and some pretty snarky ones from different people. But I don't hold bitterness towards any of these, in fact they just bring me back to the fact that this is a God thing, because I feel this overwhelming PEACE.


So, friends and family, I know a lot of you already knew about this adventure and are already praying and sending love and encouragement. So for those that are doing this, I thank you and ask for continued prayer. For those who just found out, I say the same.



Because this day:

We surrendered.




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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Parenting Pride Takes a Hit



They say pride goes before the fall...

well TIMMMMBERRRRR!!



I know I'm not the perfect parent, nor do I have the perfect kids.

I try to be honest and open about that fact.


and reading this article from Hands Free Mama 
reminded me of how much worse it is to always hold it in.


But parents, you know that feeling, 
when your kids are on a good track?

Good attitudes!

Manners a'plenty!

Helpful Hands!

Thankful Hearts!!


Oh mercy, aren't we lucky? 
*and maybe that secret pride...
"I think I got this parenting thing DOWN!"*


and then reality sets in:


 your standing in the line at Subway, giving a "treat" of sandwiches for lunch.

And your kids start to argue at the table...

you let them know (via "mom look" and "quiet wolf" hand signal) that they need to cool it.

You see the lady at the adjoining table looking their way (and yours).

Then they keep it up, so you go over for the warning "If this continues, we will not be getting sandwiches today" (thinking of COURSE they will obey now!)

then they don't. 
The threat of losing a round of thumb war has frustrated your youngest to the point of getting his hand ready to smack his brother. While his sister argues along.


And you have that split second
 (where like 20 things run through your mind)..


"O.K, they had their warnings, you know what you have to do."

"But...maybe if I just look the other way...I mean kids will be kids..right?"

"that lady is looking at you, you have to make your choice."

"it's gonna suck"

"Yeah..but here we go."


The worst does indeed happen.


Your oldest holds it together, while the other two scream like they have NEVER screamed before.


People turn to stare.

A LOT of people.

People you don't know, some that you do.

You. Just. Keep. Looking. Forward.


Because parenting isn't for sissy's!

And it sure isn't about making everyone happy, all the time, regardless of the circumstances!
*though there are times when that seems like a REALLY great plan!*

No, it's bigger than those moments. It's about taking those embarrassing, scarring, horrific moments..
and growing.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.


We've come home, we've talked about it & cried about it. 
We've discussed the consequences.
This is a life lesson, folks. 


And it's under our belt.

  
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6


Let's try not to do this with each other!
Encourage, be honest, be open, be understanding.
 







Friday, January 10, 2014

It's an epidemic!!!

Are you aware of this
 (not so)newly  discovered disorder?


It's EVERYWHERE!

Maybe if I tell you a little bit about it, you'll guess what it is,

Symptoms may include but are not limited to:


a knot in your stomach.


high blood pressure.


headaches.


excessive eye rolling.

&
 
nausea.


Any guesses? Surely you've experienced these symptoms. I know I have!

 You my friend have PTFD


It's Present-Traumatic-Facebook-Disorder.
(present because clearly we're not past it)




that knot in your stomach could be caused by those pictures you see of your friends...hanging out...*gasp* WITHOUT YOU!!
what jerk-faces, not thinking I deserve to be in every social situation!


that high blood pressure could be caused by those "combative" articles you see containing opposing opinions, you know..the ones you want to comment on, but are worried about the reaction it would get.
 *I'll tell HER what I think of her political views!!...ok no I won't!*

excessive eye rolling? 
Gigi posted another status update about how perfect her relationship is.
 *does Dirk Square-Jaw ALWAYS bring her roses"just because"??*

nausea?
Lucy posts "inspirational" quotes and status' about her workout routine. She's fit and feeling fine!



headaches?
  that could be the late nights you spend pouring over pages of "perfection"
*just ONE more picture...then I'll call it a night!*


Oh it's toxic.
and baby your slipping under.
ok, sorry..I blame Dutch Bros. for blasting it on the radio..yesterday.


 

But that heartache??

That blame my friends, belongs solely to ourselves. 

Because life more often than not, DOES look pretty darn peachy from our view.
Because if we choose to look at Facebook for what it really is, a glorified cliff notes of our lives, then we'll understand that those posts, those pictures...they aren't our friends and family trying to stick a knife in our envious little hearts.Those are simply our loved ones showing us their very best. 

Their moments they want to share:


The roses their husband bought them.
*because they've been so busy, they've barely gotten to see each other*


The Disneyland vacation.
*that they saved for a year and a half to pay for*

The picture of their new car.
*that took them months to decide on*

The status update about their kids getting along.
*because they've had a hard week and having a moment of peace is a blessing*


The selfie before a night out.
*because they are so happy they get to feel pretty*


Instead of looking at these posts in a green tinted light, 
let's be happy for them! Smile when we see those posts, those pictures, those highlights.
 Heck, maybe we can really branch out and do more than just "like" their status and tell them WHY we like their status!
 
For pities sake, they are on our Facebook for a reason, right?? 


Let's do this, because we don't know the full story on Facebook. 
And we don't NEED the full story.
That's THEIR story to tell, to those they hold dearest to them. 


That's OUR story to tell.




 



Thursday, January 9, 2014

This is the story of a scooter...

Once upon a time it was Christmas Eve...2011.

I was giddy as always, because I love the wonder of Christmas. 
And I love, love getting things for people. To buy things I think will bring a smile to their face.

And not to brag, but usually I think I'm pretty good at knowing people, from listening to conversations, to sort of checking out their style etc. 

But my dear, dearest Chief always blows me out of the water! 
Which I've learned I need to be less curmudgeonly about and more grateful. ;0)


Back to 2011.
 Where I thought I got this awesome gift for my hubbies new "Man Cave"...a leg lamp! You know..from
 A Christmas Story  ?  In my family, we quote movies pretty often, dating back to the early 90's when my family would take road trips back to Mississippi and sing every song from Sister Act (oh yes...I can do ALL the voices!) so that has carried on to my own little brood. So since we quote "You'll shoot your eye out", "It's a major award!" and "FRAG-EE-LAY, that must be Italian!". I thought this was a pretty rad gift. And it was.  But of COURSE, he "outdid" me.

At first I unwrapped a super duper cute helmet! 
That alone made me excited, so I wouldn't feel so manly when him and I go on motorcycle rides. 
But then he has me go to my stocking which holds...a key. And he says "let's go to the shop!"

Where this beauty was waiting for me!

I went through the emotions at first of "Well poo! My gift looks LAMMMME compared to this!"

But pretty quickly, I moved on from that and just enjoyed "the open road"...ok it goes 60 MPH tops, but STILL, the road felt pretty exciting to me this mama!


And even MORE exciting? 
My youngest (Peanut) was just a year away from going into Kindergarten, which meant I would have ALL THREE KIDS in school! Which started my "dreams of adventure"...I could take my camera anytime, anywhere and GO!

 Go relish in His creation, go and not have anyone to answer to for a few hours...EVERY DAY if I wanted (and if weather permitted).

Then those desires of my heart soon changed.  You can read about that here


Suddenly I didn't have those extra hours in the day.
Those hours went towards teaching.

I didn't "get to" immerse myself in peace and quiet at the beach.
I instead went to the beach to play, to hand out waters & snacks. To wipe off sandy feet.

I didn't have long moments of no one to answer to.
I had questions every 10 minutes. ;0)

 And the best part is?
I'm OK with that.


I'm more than ok with that, I'm BLESSED by that.


I feel this immense gratitude in my heart when I stop amidst the chaos that can take over our lives and think "WOW......He led me to this.".

Because yes, there are days when I feel overwhelmed. When I feel like I'm not getting through, when they aren't digging it, when I would truly like to just GO.

But above all that, there are days when we laugh together, when they conquer an "educational hurdle" and feel victorious, when we learn TOGETHER, not just lessons in the curriculum, but lessons in LIFE, lessons in THE WORD. 

So, while I still get a little twinge of sadness when I think of selling my scooter, due to lack of time to "go". I also get a sense of excitement thinking of what new adventure is around the corner. 








Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Years, New Post, New Adventures!

Hey hey hey!!!

It's a new year, my friends!
I'm one day in and so far so good! ;)


I have this really great feeling in my gut, that 2014 is going to be swell!
(note that I will reference this post if it is indeed swell, but will ignore it, if 2014 totally stinks.) 

Have you ever heard of "One Little Word"? It's something I've seen around for a few years, but never felt drawn to participate in. Then out of nowhere (I think we all KNOW WHERE...ha...ok, sorry), I get this word on my heart:



BRAVE 

And I instantly knew why.
Not Brave, like the movie (though I did love her hair).


BRAVE, as in stop second guessing WHO you are, WHY you are the way you are, WHAT you should be doing, WHERE you should begin and WHEN you will find time.



And walk out into the world, begin these things that are on your heart, be bold, be confident, be BRAVE in faith.



 Knowing He is there every  step of the way. 
Guiding you. Cheering you on. Loving you.


I got goosebumps just typing this!

  
Have you ever had One Little Word? 
What was it and how did it help you?


All Things Thursday Link Party


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Monday, November 25, 2013

Push through the insecurities

OK, I don't know if anyone has been following my "Start with a spark" project. 

But if you have you would know that I SAIIIID I would post every Monday with a "spark" for everyone to (hopefully) be inspired by. 


Well....I didn't post last Monday.


and I would love to say it was because I was just so busy, or I was out spreading the love, homeschooling was taking up our time etc, etc. Which are all true as well, BUT the reason I didn't post was because of a stinky little feeling we all know as INSECURITY.


I was having an inner monologue with myself (which happens more often than I'd like to admit), it went something like this:


"No one thinks this idea is a good one, in fact...you've gotten several weird looks when you bring it up"

"that's ok though! We're not doing this for the approval of others, right??"

"We aren't? Don't we want people to be inspired and to love this idea?? *Which they don't*"

"...well yeah...but I can't let that be the determining factor in this path I'm on, PLUS we have had a few people who gave you positive feedback... so I'll post a spark anyways!"

"No one reads it so why take the time?"

"Ahhh...that's true. Nevermind."


My inner monologue really is a butt face if I may say so.


So, my sincerest apologies for letting my attitude get in the way of posting a spark. Even if you aren't necessarily wanting them so you can do them, my attitude of giving up is definitely not an example I want to leave for anyone! :)

SO, with that being said, here's my spark for the week!




Now this may be something you do already, so if it is...here's something to ADD to that spark...


Make someone you don't necessarily "enjoy" being around all the time feel loved.


Get them a card, buy them something small or if your feeling especially gutsy, give em' a hug!
If you feel more comfortable doing it in secret, then do it! 

That's tough, huh?? Well growing up ain't always easy folks!! ;) 
I know this is something  I could work on myself and darnit I intend to!


As always, I would love (and truth be told, would feel encouraged) to hear your "Spark Stories"!


Monday, November 11, 2013

A little hope, goes a long way.

So, when I first had this feeling of "spreading the love" and blogged about it, I had this grand idea that people 
around me would latch on and be excited 
and oh my goodness wouldn't this be amazing!
 
 
...well, to be honest that hasn't really happened...


BUT.

I'm ok with that. I won't be dishonest, I wasn't ok with it at first.
 I felt like I had failed to shine bright enough, 
so that everyone would WANT to be involved.
 
 
I came to realize a few things yesterday, during a 
really touching and beautiful church service. 
 
 

1. This stirring on my heart wasn't necessarily for EVERYONE I know to do. Would it be wonderful if everyone felt that same stirring? Of course. But for me to expect all who read my blog post to have that same feeling that I did? Not really fair.  
 
 
 
2. This is the path set before myself and my family, at this time.
 And if it inspires? wonderful.
 If that spark starts right now for someone? great.
 If it starts at another time down the road for someone? Still, great! 



3. my heart's desire is for this "project" to become a regular part of our lives.
 To live intentionally, to love constantly, to shine brightly. 
 
 
This week's "spark" is something that has been an obstacle to overcome for myself.
 
 
Give hope to the homeless. 
 
You see, when I was a little girl, I used to ask my parents if we could invite the homeless people we saw to lunch. I had a desire to help.
 
Then through some unfortunate circumstances through helping, my views became jaded.
I came to a point where I didn't want to reach out anymore, because it hurt.
 
But it's not about my ego is it? That's a hard pill to swallow!